Dear Reader,

In my work as a psychologist, and in my own personal journey of unlearning, I often lean into a framework called Internal Family Systems (IFS). It’s a gentle, profound way of looking at our minds—the idea that we aren't just one monolithic personality, but a beautiful, complex collection of different "parts."

When we look at our lives through this lens, it can change everything.

Take your inner critic, for instance. Or the part of you that reflexively falls into people-pleasing, checking that everyone else in the room is happy, cared for, and contained before you even check in with yourself.

It is so easy to feel frustrated by these patterns. We get stuck swinging between two extremes: we either give in to the critical inner monologue completely, or we try to wage a war against it—trying to push the inner critic down or silence it entirely. And neither of these strategies work to give us what we're yearning for.

But what if we stopped fighting?

In IFS, we understand that no part of you is inherently bad. Every single one of them developed for a reason. These parts of us grew up in a world that, covertly or overtly, handed us a blueprint for how we should act, what we should do, and who we should be to survive and belong.

Your inner critic and your people-pleasing habits are actually fiercely protective parts. Somewhere in your history, they learned that scanning the room, softening your edges, and keeping you small was the safest way to ensure you were loved and accepted. Their primary concern was to shield you.

The problem isn't that these parts are malicious; it's just that they are tired, frightened, and operating on an old map. They are treating the present day as if you are still trying to survive the past, using safety strategies that your adult self has completely outgrown.

You don’t need to defeat your mind to find your truth. What if, the next time that harsh internal voice raises its volume, you met it with a breath of grace? What if you looked at that protective part thanked it instead? Thanked it for trying to keep you safe. And reassure it that you're okay and you're capable.

When those hyper-vigilant parts finally get permission to lay down their heavy armour, the background noise of the "shoulds" can begin to clear. And underneath the chatter, your true internal voice—your core Self, wise, calm, and grounded—finally gets the space to speak.

Of course, this is much easier said than done.

Befriending our tired parts is not a linear journey. There will be days when the inner critic feels incredibly loud, or when the habit of people-pleasing completely takes over and floods your system. That is entirely normal.

When these protective parts feel completely overwhelming, or when the old patterns feel too tightly wound to untangle on your own, it can be helpful to seek dedicated support to work through them within a 1-on-1 therapeutic space. There is immense strength in recognising when a part of you needs that level of individual care.

Unpacking these internal rules is a lifelong journey—and whether you navigate it through therapy, quiet self-reflection, or a supportive village, it is a path that is much easier walked when we aren't doing it entirely alone.

I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this. Do you notice a specific part of you that takes over when life gets busy or overwhelming? As always, feel free to hit reply—I am always so happy to hear from you.

A final note: An invitation to those in Melbourne

If you are local to Melbourne and feel a quiet yes to exploring these parts of yourself in a closed-group setting, I warmly invite you to join me for The Return.

Starting next month (June 4th), this 4-week immersion brings together circle work, gentle somatic movement, and reflective inquiry. It is designed to be a soft place to land—a complementary space to any individual work you might be doing elsewhere—where your tired parts can step out of the "shoulds" and get a taste of what it feels like to simply be.

With love and warmth, Zac ♥

Dr Zac Elizabeth Buchanan | Clinical Psychologist​
The Return
​drzacelizabeth.com @dr.zacelizabeth​